Inspite of his faults....

He is not perfect and neither are you
He comes with his flaws and so do you
He may not love you the way you want him to
He may not miss you when you want him to
He may not give you roses when you expected diamonds
He may not say things how you want to hear it
But make sure you hold on to him
Make sure you hold tighter when all you want to do is analyse him, judge him, push him and test him.
Yell at him if he makes you crazy; punch him hard when he makes you crazier but love him harder.

Because he will make you smile in the most trying times
He will try to hold on to you when things fall apart
He will make you dance with him at the most unexpected melodies of life
He will give a piece of himself to you knowing very well how easily you could break it

All this inspite of his faults…. 

natashahavewala: Conversation with a quarter of mine……

natashahavewala: Conversation with a quarter of mine……: Sometimes I feel I am balancing on a double-edged sword telling my son to do whatever he wishes to do in life while simultaneously scr...

Conversation with a quarter of mine……

Sometimes I feel I am balancing on a double-edged sword telling my son to do whatever he wishes to do in life while simultaneously screaming to him ‘will you just stop that’ every two minutes!!  Vow!!! Talk about paradoxes. So this morning as usual he starts jumping while I make him ready for school. And I tell him, ‘so you want to be footballer I see. He grins and jumps higher on the bed and then in my sweetest voice I tell him, ‘please don’t jump’ while making him wear his uniform and the next moment I hear myself say, ‘can’t you stand still. What’s wrong with you?’ so he stops and smiles, ‘you said I was a footballer so now why are you angry? You are sometimes laughing, sometimes sad and always angry at me.’ And he makes that long face and hugs me and says, ‘don’t be angry. If you will be angry then your whole day will go bad.’ Talk about my toddler giving me my teachings back!!!

So I apologise to him but I want to know the assessment of his observations. So here it goes. ‘I was angry because we are getting late for school and you have been jumping all around.’ He- ‘but you are always angry and you always so no for everything.’ Now where the hell did that come from? So as calm as I try to be I say, “When do I say no to you?” With his hands tight on his waist he says, ‘for toys you say no, for ice cream you say no, then?’

For a brief second I am taken aback and I know I have a delicate path to cross and I cannot falter so even though the clocks ticks and in my mind I am already seeing my self-late to school, I know I cannot break this conversation. So I tell him, ‘Mommy has a responsibility towards your well-being and to discipline you and there are ways I can do that. Sometimes I make you understand that we already have three airplanes and we cannot buy one more just because it’s blue in colour. I can deny you an ice-cream if you have a runny nosy. And I can shout if you misbehave also. So if in doing all this you think mommy is bad and always gets angry then its okay to feel that. But mommy also loves you berry berry much.’ And I wait for his response.

He looks at me with those mousy eyes and finally says, ‘but what disciple means?’ Ahhhhhh, all my gyan huh!! So, I roll my eyes, rush to pick up our bags, with an already cold sandwich in one hand and holding my young one with another I rush towards the door yelling yet again. ‘Discipline also means running to school to be on time.’   

... and that is what completes me!!!

The strongest of the iron has to go through the hottest of the fire – says a contemporary wisdom!! Each one of us has to go through our sufferings that make us strong. This strength gives us perseverance, builds our character and moulds our grit.

But I do not believe in this. Because suffering also leads me to sadness, breaks my soul, and limps me. It makes me see life in negative light. It takes away my inner light.

It may help mould my character but takes away my smile.
It may teach me to be patient but diminishes the depth of my core.
It may strengthen my bones but takes away my shining eyes.
It may sharpen my edges but leaves me cold and calculated

I don’t need to go through fire to make me realise what mettle I am made of.

I need to go through love to give me self- preservation.
I need a kind word to define my character
I need motivation to carve my grit
I need a smile to push my limits
I need to go through compassion to test my boundaries

And that makes me full. And that completes me!!

Innocence!!

I sit on the mud pie soaking the sun above me seeing my little one enjoying himself in the mud.

He rushes towards me carrying something colourful in his hands. I wonder to myself as I see him running - what a daunting task to clean him up later. But his little gesture leaves me filled with pure smile. His small palms have firmly fenced the daffodils and tulips with sand all around it. “Mommy this is git for you,” he says. He puts them all in my lap gives me a peck and rushes to play in his mud pool.   

Such is innocence! Some worthless fallen blossoms for me but for him they are vibrant and colourful flowers. And he thinks of gifting them to me.

Innocence doesn’t see what something is meant to be but it sees as what it is. It doesn’t perceive, doesn’t judge and isn’t opinionated. It is just as it is!! 

Words!!!

A lot has been written about you!!

I used you ruthlessly to bend a bone and pierce a heart 

I used you to create pain and shame
I used you as weapon to embarrass and humiliate
But then I realised there is no taking you back because it left me bitter
With this I lost myself and the relationships I bargained with
And then I mend my fingerprints in the hope that all will be restored but then you have already destroyed it.

I realised…
When you come out; it can make someone’s day or might havoc a nightmare
You can hurt a heart or heal a soul
You can wound the mind or restore the core
You can define and disgust or liberate and rejuvenate
You can make someone cry or make them tearfully laugh
You have the power to build or the strength to destroy
You can make or break but once out, you can never be taken back!!

So, when I choose you, I decide!!
I decide to use you emotionally and intelligently
I use your power to cultivate a weak heart
I use your strength to nurture a broken soul
I use your influence to motivate a desperate mind
I make a choice that when you come out, it shows and spreads tenderness and love, sensitiveness and thoughtfulness.

So I choose my words!!!

#Motherhood!!!

A place where you go and then there is no turning back.

It takes you to paradise and perdition every day. It makes you do the most mundane tasks when you imagined your life charted for more challenging. It makes you get up at the twinkling of the stars and makes you slumber during bright sunshine. You make judgement of errors and it makes you confused further because it doesn’t come with a hand book. You get hurt easily now. You seek for help but you despise unwanted advice. It makes you frustrated and desperate. It makes you cranky and depressed.


The very energy of it forces you to change. 
It breaks the old you no matter who you were or you thought you are because it builds you now.
It shatters your own image in front of you to build your soul that learns to give unconditionally.
It crushes your thoughts of a perfect woman because it makes you so imperfectly perfect with those stretch marks and flabby stomach.
It breaks your bones because it builds your mind to keep getting up when you hear little cries.
It makes you cross the bridge between the woman you were and the woman you become.
It helps you bring out the love, the nestling; the care that was seated deep inside you that even you did not know existed.
It brings out patience and tolerance; it makes you smile and cry at the same time.


It’s a long lonely walk without any appraisals and bonuses.
You may never get a kind word in return but always a finger pointed.
Yet, you don’t stop; you don’t limit because that’s what makes you a mother.
Love, then doesn’t come from your heart. It is born out of every single cell of your being.
You then challenge even nature because the little hands that hold you give you strength and power.
Nothing bad and mean touches you because the purity surrounding you is so strong that it defeats everything else.


Motherhood that touches every woman in its own unique way but it takes us all through the same sweet journey.